HOW TO EAT LOLLIPOPS SEDUCTIVELY 

You see … the thing is . . we just boarded off the African Ship yesterday and we only eat lollipops on special occasions … so lets call today “Lollipop Madness Friday” :D  … No Really !

AAAAAAH WE FOUND THE TREASURE INSIDE !! AMAZED !!  … No really this is me being serious but hey i don’t care  age is just a number :P 

Aww Thy Poor Lolly . . One Is Not A Happy . . One’s Mouth + Taste buds were happy to bond with you for those 15 minutes … you will be thought about and missed dearly (for about an hour) … Digest in piss … Yours truly: Greedy Individual. P+L : Bee x

Went to the temple today to support my friend as he is going through some things he needed to find answers to. 
You don’t realise how little it takes for you to realise what really matters in life. Being at the temple today and just talking about what it means to be worthy of going in there made me feel things i haven’t felt before as well as thinking about decisions i’ve been making in my life. I just turned 20 not long ago and i really need to start acting my age and figuring what i really want in this life. Things that i took lightly , i realised i need to take them seriously and just that i need to widen my horizons and look at life from a bigger picture. I have been focused on pretty much one thing for the past 2 years and i felt that im not planning ahead because what’s going to happening the long run?

As much as i’m trying to understand and explain how i felt today, i really can’t. It’s just one of those one has to experience themselves in order to understand and relate. 
But yeah following that, i just realised how i need to change as a person ie my habits that make me a bad person in someone else’s eyes and i just want to feel worthy and know that i deserve all good things that have been happening in my life. Like am i worthy of all these blessings God keeps showering me with?
Seeing my friend go through what he has been over the last couple of days has been a sort of wake up call for me as in what’s important in life and what isn’t.
Lost sight of myself for a while but its now time for me to pick myself up and put things together and pray for better. 
Im glad i have been able to feel this way sooner rather than later and that it has taken me going to a sacred place / grounds to realise my wrong doings and have a clear view and direction on life for now. 
P+L : Bee … x

I am going I share an embarrassing story which I’m not sure as to whether it’s embarrassing for me or for the other person in this story. Basically back when I was 15 years old , I met a guy through my best friend and I think he was like 18 or something like that, I’m not sure anymore cos this was years ago. Anyways we’d been dating for like 2 weeks or so then one days we went to chill at my best friends’ ( who’s now moved back to portugal btw) and then he asked my best friend to give us some time alone. Back then I was still fresh minded and didn’t know much about what boys want in girls. I still thought its all about holding hands and going cinemas and kissing lol nothing more. Then that night my friend left a though she was going to the shops to get a drink for us and then I went toilet … . I emptied my bladder and what not then there I was yaknow strutting my 15 year old self to the living room then BAM !! Found my guy busking on the sofa with he lights dimmed fully and I mean fully naked and the condom already inserted into his penis . I can’t explain the feeling, I felt very sick and GOSH I cant explain. I was in shock !! Never mind the anaconda sized penis STARING  at me inside that protective plastic thing and I just couldn’t believe it and my flight response kicked in and i just ran away like a mad woman. ( actually before that I was like no this is not happening. Why r you naked?) lol I really didn’t understand. But yeah I found the experience scary and sex was never something I thought about at that age and so I just ran my way home and I never saw the guy for like atleast 6 months after that even though he lived on the same street as me. 5 years later me and my best friend revisit the story over Skype and now we find it funny lmfao. But for a few years the guy was responsible for my fear of penises but now with my job in urology, I’ve seen and handled more penis than I’ve anticipated to in my life … . Love my job and penises are evil things

When at uni they teach / tell us, whilst you’re in practice, you don’t get attched to your patients. if they die, deal with it and move on because it is the way of life. Hold on a second …are you saying we are to be emotionless?? when said, its sounds easier doesn’t it. How hard is it not be attached to a stranger that’s just come in to you to help them feel better and they move on with their lives.

But that’s the way us humans are designed … Emotions will always take over us and it does not matter whether you have known someone for a day, seconds , hours even but the way of life is, you might not realise it but once you come into contact with another human being whether its talkign to them for a few seconds, smiling at them as you walk past their side room in the ward … . you have become attached. nothing can prepare you for what’s next. One minute you are laughing with someone and within a blink of an eye, they are at peace and all you’re left with is their soul in the room and you are talking to an empty vessel because that is our job. we still talk to one as if they are here with us.

TODAY I LEARNT THAT DEATH TRULLY IS REAL + NOTHING CAN PREPARE YOU FOR IT. I tried to contain my feelings as i was helping out with the dead body . After 15 minutes of being aroudn the dead patient and prepping him, the doctor finally confirmed that yes the patient is dead … my knees felt week, my heart was racing, i felt i was going to pass out … i knew i had to get out of the room but my legs just froze and i couldn’t move and after trying to hold my tears in and telling myself “you’re fine ” i just cried. It was as though i have known this patient for a very long time. I don’t know why i cried because i haven’t worked around this patient much before as much as i have with others. It was my first patient loss so the senior staff understood and they were there for me… the ward Sister was ever so lovely and made sure i was ok.

i tried to stay strong and till i was out of the room and done with the patient but like i said before, emotions take over us. RAW EMOTIONS … It all just took over .… FEAR , ANGER , HAPPINESS (bcos u know the patient is at peace now) THE LOT !!

NOTHING REALLY CAN PREPARE YOU FOR DEATH …NOTHING . WE ARE HUMANS AND IT’S OKAY FOR US TO SOMETIMES LET THE EMOTIONS OUT OTHERWISE WE WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO DO OUR JOBS BECAUSE WE HAVE GOT TO EMPATHISE.

Thankfully for me , my mum was able to ring me as soon as i got home (coincindence) and i just said hello and she said hello and then i cried and then she said let it all out and then when i was done crying we sid bye to each other. without her knowing what had happened and i haven’t told her, she was ablet to comfort me and i felt fine and she didn’t need to know why i was crying because she knows it’s my job. it’s what i love. it’s what i signed up for. it’s what i am learning. it’s what’s gonna teach me. Love my Mum

Tommorrow is another day and before you know it we will have a new patient in that room and new memories will be built. Despite it all, I LOVE MY JOB and THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING. P+L X

Last week was the end of my third week since i started working in this hospital. I still love it as much as i did the first day. I’m learning new things all the time. They’ve got me doing things i wouldn’t have dreamnt of doing within my first few weeks. Half of the things i’m doing i thought i’d be doing by next year …

The other day they had me TWOC (trial with-out catherter) a patient without any guidance from anyone and the patient wasn’t in pain (YEY ME!!). The last man i TWOCed cried and i felt very bad. But that was only because the person who was teaching me hadn’t removed the water ballon from the catheter first.

That shit is painful… basically what it is = a tube with the circumfarence of your middle finger that is inserted up a man’s penis all the way to their bladder because they are unable to empty their bladder themselves so the catheter does the job for them instead. If you are a proud owner of a penis then you would understand how painful this is . . i’m not but i can feel their pain … Bless them.  ( when you TWOC a patient,you just pull out the tube, its about as long as from my fingertips to my elbow). They say it’s a pain they cannot explain and it only lasts for a few seconds. The inserting and removal might be painful but they are thankful becasue the reflief they get after the catheter is inserted, it’s unexplainable. Just imagine you want to urinate and you know how uncomfortabloe it gets when you want to and you can’t because your sphincter will not open to let the urine out of the bladder for you :( . Patients are very brave people.

Tommorrow is the end of my week 4 (one month since i started this job) so i will talk about how it has opened my eyes and made me appriciate life more . P+L x

My second day was good again !! Today my new mentor … she just fully qualified last year September + she went same uni as me. How inspiring ?! Well my new mentor got me involved in a lot today. I observed her do a few things then laster on she let me have a go at some of the techniques. Perfomed the aseptic and took a canular out a patient aswell as perfoming a TWOC on a patient who just came out of surgery. It’s going well so far and i’m just eager to know what’s in store for me for the next however long i’m at this hospital cos it’s really quiet different from the work we’ve been doing in the labs + then this is real + we working on real people :)

My First day in Urology : Surgical Ward was amazing. A lot happened and argh i can’t express how much i enjoyed it. Starting on a high note. But the 8 hour shifts are a bit ridiculous though given the fact that i have to leave the house at 5:45 am to get to the hospital on time. Other than that i really cannot complain it was just too awesome … .